Welcome to Indy Maven’s Mental Health column coming by way of Adair McDonald, LMHC (she/her/hers). Check out her website for information about how Adair works with clients, and to contact her directly to book a session.
Isn’t it weird that we sleep? Approximately one-third of our lives, no less. And each night, whether we realize it or not, we dream. These dreams help us integrate our past and present experiences and bring up questions about what the future might hold. It is our brain’s way of helping us solve problems, though it may seem a bizarre way to go about this. Dreams cannot be interpreted in any conclusive way that is objectively right or wrong. They are like abstract art, rich with meaning but absent of definition. We make this art each and every night.
I love it when a client brings up a dream in therapy. It gets both of us out of logic and linear conclusions and into a rich, deep, relational experience that never fails to surprise and enlighten. I use the Gestalt method when working with dreams, in which every part of the dream represents some part of the dreamer. And when I do this work, I’m not interpreting dreams for my client. Instead, I’m inviting them to speak the dream out loud from a variety of perspectives, and as they do this, they are gaining clarity on what their subconscious is working on, essentially finding their own interpretations or meanings.
This is helpful for anxiety dreams, nightmares, happy dreams, or even just a small snippet of a dream that could have felt meaningless if not examined.
This is something you can do by yourself — as a journaling exercise or something to do with a friend or loved one. First, start by speaking the dream out loud, or writing it as though it is happening here and now, in real time. Here’s an example based on a recent dream that I found vivid and interesting, even though it was also quite simple and clear.
“Now I am in my kitchen. I have just put out a big bowl of broth with noodles and herbs for my son’s breakfast. I’m aware this is an unusual breakfast for him, but that he had asked for it, and I want to trust his choices. I’m aware that my husband has put chicken in it, which initially concerns me because my son didn’t want the chicken, but then I realize my husband is wise to add protein to the breakfast. I keep calling for my son, but he isn’t coming. I think fondly of him even though he is taking too long, and I have a sense of peace that it will work out. I am aware I’m usually stressed in the mornings when time is short, but not today. I keep reheating the soup so it will be hot when he gets there.”
After I’ve spoken and written the dream, I scan through and pick out the parts that were most vivid. I chose the bowl of broth, my son, my husband, and the chicken.
Next, I speak from the perspective of each of these items. Like this: “I am a bowl of broth, filled with healthy herbs and tasty noodles. I am warm and comforting and ready to greet this boy when he is ready to come to me.” And “I am the son. I have requested an unusual breakfast because I seek novelty.” And “I am the husband. I assist in enriching the food, making sure there is enough grounding substance to help the child through his day.” And finally, “I am the chicken. I am bland, but part of the soup, and I am necessary and useful.”
Now, I scan through this again and look for qualities that could represent parts of myself. I find the following: a warm, comforting, and patient part; a part that longs for novelty; a part that makes sure others are grounded, even when they don’t ask for that; and a part that is bland but necessary.
Reflecting on this, I see some of the problems my brain has been working on. These are all aspects of being a therapist that I’m continuously trying to integrate: comforting presence, patience and trust, taking risks by trying new ideas, grounding techniques for clients who need support but don’t know how to ask for it, and attention to the bland but necessary details so that I do responsible work. That last part in particular has felt at odds with my desire for novelty, and the chicken served as a reminder that I do need to attend to the mundane, but I needn’t see that as a barrier to doing interesting work.
I did this exercise in real time. I picked the most vivid snippet from a recent dream. I wrote freely without interpretation, and then I went through these steps. I was genuinely surprised by how it all came together in the end. That is the gift of this method. Rather than simply guessing at what problems my brain was trying to solve, I thought of all of this as a part of me, and I got a totally different take. And so will you when you try this!
A note to people who have trouble remembering dreams: If you are interested in doing your own dream work, try to set this intention: “I’m going to dream tonight, and my dreams have something to teach me. I’m going to remember my dreams.” Say this (in your thoughts or out loud) a few times throughout the day. You can also “check” a couple of times per day to see if you are awake or asleep. Look around, notice that you are awake, and ask yourself how you know you are awake. For some, this seems to trigger noticing and remembering dreams more easily.
When you wake, don’t open your eyes right away. Lie there, in that half-dreamy state, and just see if you can remember even a snippet of a dream. Usually, once you remember a small part, other parts will come forward. When you do your self-interpretation, don’t worry about getting a tidy narrative; just see what arises. I know this is hard, but try not to grasp at the dream; rather, invite it to drift into your awareness.
Let’s review:
- Wake gently, let yourself rest with your eyes closed, and see what parts of your dreams you can notice.
• Say the dream out loud — use a voice memo if you like and come back to it later — or write it/type it as though it is happening in real time (fine if you do this later in the day since sometimes that’s when people remember their dreams).
• Pick out the most vivid aspects of the dream. Pay close attention to your emotions, thoughts, and impressions in the dream. The imagery is important, but so is the rest.
• Speak or write from the perspective of each of those aspects.
• Reflect on what comes up, and which parts of you this is representing in your life now or from your past.
• Reflect on how you might apply that to something that matters in your life today.
Working with our dreams means tapping into our creativity, wisdom, and vulnerability. We all need this. What parts of you are longing to be worked with and understood? Sleep tight tonight and pay attention to what comes up- you may have your answer tomorrow morning. Sweet dreams!
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