In the still and quiet moments, when the hustle of life and daily responsibilities fade into the background, grief finds its voice. For the lucky ones, it only whispers; for most others, it roars. For me, it eventually became a calling– a purpose and a mission.
My life took an unexpected turn when I lost my mother. She was 57– only 57. It was as if the ground beneath me crumbled. She was one of the great ones– my strength, my comfort, my friend. Losing a parent, especially one so young, was profound and harsh, shaking me to my core. I remember still breathing, still living, but I questioned if this was something I could actually recover from.
During the initial chaos of my mother’s death, I struggled to find my footing, and if I’m being honest, sometimes I struggled simply getting out of bed. The places my mother once stood were now vacant, and the weight of those empty spaces felt too powerful to heal or mend.
Grief is messy and powerful. Its structure and path are not linear. Grief is not stages to conquer, but rather a web to constantly untangle and move through. It’s unpredictable and relentless. Eventually, it can morph into other things too. For some, like me, grief can be a teacher, revealing strengths you never knew you had and resiliency that you’d seen in others but never yourself. Years of added perspective and healing later, this harsh reality set me on a path of introspection and a new pursuit for my future– to honor my mother’s legacy, see the beauty left in the world, and help others.
Turning Pain into Purpose
My journey through grief was solitary at first, even surrounded by incredible friends and family. I don’t think I’m unique in that. Grief is a solitary job. When I realized speaking about loss made others uncomfortable, writing became my solace. I wrote about all of the things I wish I could say, all of the things I missed, all of the things I was angry I’d never get to experience now that my mother was gone.
These deeply personal and grief-filled writings, raw and sometimes harsh, started to form the foundation of what I’d be known for. Crafting words from my experiences became my therapy. It allowed me to pour out my pain, process my feelings, and begin to understand my pain.
As I shared pieces of my journey on various social media platforms, I discovered a community of individuals experiencing similar pain. I connected with other women holding similar losses and also similar loneliness. The response was unexpected, with many women reaching out to share their own stories of loss and healing. This connection sparked the flame of courage that led to creating my own platform where I’d share my story and my writing, hopeful that people would be motivated and inspired to discuss their own grief and find comfort in these devastating shared experiences.
Nearly two years after my mother’s death, my brand, “Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities,” was born. Over time it became a haven for those grappling with loss, offering a blend of personal anecdotes, advice, and support. The creation of my blog and social media platforms was my way of saying, ‘I see you. We’re in this together. You are not alone.’ I wanted to provide words for those who might not have them and create a space where people could find empathy, understanding, and hope.
Bigger than a Blog: A Book
Encouraged by readers and empowering a vulnerability and courage I didn’t know I had, I decided to compile my writings and reflections into a book. I wanted to honor my mother’s legacy and also encourage others who find themselves impacted by loss.
My book, “Now That She’s Gone: A Daughter’s Reflections on Loss, Love & a Mother’s Legacy,” highlights the complexities of grief, exploring the storm of emotions that accompany loss. My raw storytelling and heartfelt insights will hopefully provide readers with both solace and comfort. From recounting cherished memories to navigating the firsts without my mother, my narrative is both poignant and empowering.
My mother, like so many mothers are, was a beacon of love, faith, and strength, and I strive to embody those qualities in my work and my pursuit to show others the commonalities we face in grief– things often undiscussed and tucked away due to their uncomfortable nature and theme. The book is a collection of delicate, truth-filled essays for those journeying through the rugged terrain of grief.
Looking Forward: Hope and Healing
As I reflect on my journey, I see so much growth and healing. While time doesn’t make the pain easier, it does provide added perspective. I will always wish my mother was here. I will always wish things could be different. And also, I know that neither of those can be a reality. What can be a reality is to live out my mother’s dream for her daughter– to be happy. It’s the wish of most mothers. The least we can do is listen.
In doing so, this book is my tribute to my mother and the woman that she raised. It’s a way to keep her spirit alive and to ensure that her love continues to touch lives through me.
Grief healing is an ongoing process, a constant pursuit you can never fully obtain. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. There are days when the pain feels fresh, but there are also days filled with joy and gratitude. It’s a balance, and it’s okay to feel both. Each day, I am usually a mixture of both.
My message to others is clear: embrace your grief for it cannot be outrun, honor your loved ones for they are worth remembering, and allow yourself to heal in your own time. Through my writing and advocacy, I hope to exemplify the strength found in vulnerability and the enduring impact of a mother’s love.
Similar Hearts, Similar Pain
If you are a woman who has lost a mother, please know that you are not alone, even when it feels like it. Know that while this is a pain that never truly goes away, it is one created by immense and powerful love. It means you were lucky to know someone worth missing, which means it will hurt with the same intensity as the greatness of the one you lost.
I hope my story serves as a beacon of hope, offering comfort and light to your hidden places of darkness. My mother’s legacy is one of love and generosity. If sharing my journey can help even one person, then I’ve succeeded.
About the Author
Chelsea Ohlemiller is an author and speaker passionate about the awareness of grief’s impact. She has an active and engaging social media presence and is well-known for her blog, Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities. Her first book titled, “Now That She’s Gone” will be released in August. She has been featured in the national bestseller “So God Made a mother” and two Chicken Soup for the Soul books. She’s also been published online by platforms such as Her View from Home, Christianity.com, (in)courage, Love What Matters, Scary Mommy and more. She lives in Indianapolis with her husband and three children, which are the driving force behind all that she does.
Her book, “Now That She’s Gone: A Daughter’s Reflections on Loss, Love & a Mother’s Legacy,” is available for preorder now and will be in stores on August 13, 2024.
For more info visit www.hopeandharshrealities.com.
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