
Hello everyone! It’s your Friendly Indy Gynecologist, Menopause and Sexual Health Specialist. I am beyond thrilled to kick-off 2025 by oversharing on all topics related to women’s health. I’m incredibly thankful for this opportunity to partner with Indy Maven to uncover the “oooo” in taboo and spark a conversation (or many!) grounded in education, support, and encouragement to love and celebrate our bodies in all stages of our lives.
How is it already February? If you’re like me, you may still be stuck in a post-holiday haze, trying to navigate what just happened in December while barreling into the new year. And on top of that, the stores are filling up with the reds and pinks of that controversial holiday—Valentine’s Day. For many, this holiday is an opportunity for sharing love or showing someone you care – whether that’s with a partner, a friend, a family member, or someone important to you. And for some, it may also be a chance to explore intimacy, spice things up, and focus on deepening a relationship.
But you don’t need a partner to do that! As a gynecologist and sexual health specialist, I see women focus on the needs and desires of others regularly. Often I hear apologies uttered during a pelvic exam or tears of embarrassment shed when bringing up a deeply personal health concern. My hope for you all in 2025 is not only to empower you to stop apologizing for being human or being a woman (especially to your gynecologist!), but to embrace what makes you phenomenal, unique, and strong. That includes what brings you PLEASURE. That’s right, women have a right to pleasure and a right to experience orgasm.
Some “quickie” facts:
- The clitoris is the ONLY known human organ that is solely designed for pleasure.
- The majority of women report clitoral and vaginal stimulation contribute to their usual method of reaching orgasm, not vaginal stimulation alone.
- In one study, heterosexual women report experiencing orgasm during sex approximately 65% of the time—the lowest of all study participants (male/female, heterosexual, gay/lesbian, bisexual). Heterosexual men reported a rate of 95%.
It is not surprising that a 2018 study found that on average, women reach orgasm by self-stimulation in 8 minutes, but took an average of 12-17 minutes with a partner to reach orgasm, if at all. Often a communicative, patient, and curious partner helps to improve that time, if that is the goal. But for some of us, communicating our wants and needs in the heat of an intimate moment can be uncomfortable, awkward, or even unthinkable.
So what I ask you all to focus on first and foremost, is “what brings YOU pleasure?” And from there, “what tips and tools are available to experience or enhance that pleasure?” So here are three recommendations for you on this newfound (or refreshed) journey of self-exploration:
- Invest in a good quality lubricant – did you know that there are specific criteria and recommendations by the World Health Organization (WHO) for safe and effective lubricants for sex? And that often times, the lubricants sold in most stores do not meet those criteria? There are dozens of lubricant brands out there to choose from, so the decision can admittedly be overwhelming. I recommend looking into both water-based and silicone lubricants, and you may even want to trial both types. A few of my favorites that are made with high-quality ingredients, avoid irritants, and are well-tolerated by most include Ah! Yes, BabeLube, Good Clean Love BioNude, Slippery Stuff, Sliquid H2O, as well as silicone-based lubricants like Maude Shine Silicone, Pink Silicone Lubricant, Sliquid Silver, and uberLube. And since I have this question come up a lot, let me reassure you – using lubricant is NOT an indication that you are broken, “dried up,” less desirable, or less aroused. I recommend use of lubricant for ANY individual responsibly engaging in penetrative sexual activity who wants to encourage comfort and enhance the experience. Who wouldn’t want that?
- Tools that will “do the trick” – As I often tell my patients, if you have not explored your own body and determined what brings you pleasure, how can you expect to even start communicating that to a partner? Many individuals find that they are most comfortable exploring by self-stimulation with the use of tools or toys like a vaginal dilator or vibrator. This is a perfectly healthy way to improve your understanding of your own body and pleasure—no guilt, shame, or feelings of inadequacy allowed here! I especially recommend this if you have had any issues with pelvic or sexual pain or are currently taking medications that may affect arousal, sensation, or ability to reach orgasm. The variety of vibrators available are countless—bullet, wand, G-zone stimulatory, clitoral suction devices, dual-stimulation, wearable, biofeedback—so you may need to try a few types before finding one that works well for you. Vibration can help significantly and make all the difference between pain and pleasure when it comes to intercourse. And don’t forget the lubricant! Keep in mind silicone-based lubricant should not be used with silicone-based tools or toys.
- Erotica – This one may not be for you, or maybe you’ve just been waiting for your gynecologist to make it a medical recommendation…either way, let’s be clear – erotica is not the same as porn. There are many ways that the porn industry gets female sexual pleasure and sexual function vastly inaccurate, and this is not what your standard for pleasure or “good sex” should be. Erotica, on the other hand, is simply a collection of tools to put your brain and body into a state that is more likely to respond in a favorable, aroused manner. From reading erotic stories, to listening to steamy fantasies, to seeing erotic visuals or art, this often helps to increase the Desire and Arousal components of female sexual health. Great for solo sexual experiences or partnered, these often range from very mild to “don’t engage unless you are ready to GO.” A few available sites and apps for this include: Meet Rosy (female and OB/GYN-founded and an incredible resource for all of female sexual health and dysfunction, complete with a library of female-centric erotica); Quinn (female-founded and female-centric stories), Dipsea, and Literotica. So, next time you’re alone, scrolling through those puppy videos on social media (I know, they really are the cutest), try opening up that erotica you’ve been wanting to check out instead and start a whole new journey of self-exploration.
I have so many more recommendations, but I think that’s a solid start for anyone. And of course, let’s not minimize the importance of having a knowledgeable, judgment-free clinician and health care team supporting you if you have sexual health concerns that go beyond the scope of a column. I hope this was educational, maybe a little inspirational, and bonus if it helps you turn thoughts into action and V-day takes on a whole new meaning for you!
Dr. Taylor Hahn is a board-certified OB/GYN and certified menopause practitioner through The Menopause Society. She is the founder of Via Women’s Health Collective, a direct specialty care practice curated for a more personalized, comprehensive approach to women’s health, including full-scope gynecology, menopause and sexual health consultation, trauma-informed care, and minimally-invasive and innovative technology in gynecologic surgery.
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