This moderate deep dive into online dating is for any single person out there still swiping—especially those in their, gasp, 30s and beyond. Welcome. You’re not alone. You’re on the apps, then you’re not. You delete, then re-download. But if I’m not ‘on the apps,’ how will I meet anyone?! Will we make it out of this vicious cycle?
I often wonder this myself—and if I’m going to write about it, I’d be remiss if I didn’t briefly touch on my own dating life. I used to love it. Dating, that is. But with time, and each swipe, I became the jaded, mid-30s-something I never wanted to be: perpetually negative about love while clinging to any remaining memory that I am someone who, for the better part of my life, has been a hopeless romantic. I love love! Or, did…and sometimes still do, I think. How did I get here? I have some answers for that, but if I’m not careful this is going to turn into an exposé on every relationship I’ve been in (while interesting, that’s for another time) instead of highlighting a few reasons to think about ditching the apps for a more straightforward approach to dating in your 30s.
Ditch the apps? But how will I meet someone? If you ask April Davis, it’s through a matchmaker, especially if you’re a professional in your 30s, when she sees the most singles migrating from apps to a matchmaker. Before talking to April, President of Minnesota-based Luma Luxury Matchmaking (also serving the Indianapolis area), my initial take on matchmakers was that they’re for someone who is desperate. How vulnerable to hire someone to find a partner for you! Is this what it has come to? But we pay for apps in some instances, right? And that doesn’t feel too pathetic.
As someone who has been stuck on the hamster wheel of deleting and re-downloading various apps for a while now, I appreciate Luma’s tagline— ‘No dating apps. No data-heavy algorithms. Just promising introductions.’ And that’s all we really want, isn’t it? A promising introduction with a like-minded individual.
So why does using a matchmaker, a service that’s existed long before apps like Hinge and Bumble, feel so stigmatized? In a candid and funny conversation—I like to think we would be friends in real life—April walked me through a few reasons why singles should consider using a matchmaker if they’re looking for a real relationship.
Vetting: Your safety is valued.
With a matchmaker, you can feel at ease that your amateur Google search is taken care of already with a personal interview and an assessment, something that is growing in importance as the use of photo editing is easily accessible…and heavily used. They even go over a potential match’s values to make sure they’re aligned with yours prior to an introduction.
Optimizing your time
Dating can be overwhelming when you’re a busy professional. You’re likely already outsourcing everything you can, from groceries to laundry to cleaning. So why not dating? You won’t be wasting your time because a matchmaker only introduces you to someone that matches your preferences, values, and goals.
Think of a matchmaker like a good friend. They know you well and have your best interests in mind. This is how April found her way into matchmaking years ago, successfully setting up so many friends that she turned it into a career. A matchmaker makes getting to know you, and your values, a priority.
“I feel like I’ve seen everyone there is to see” is a comment I hear often among single friends, especially in a smaller city. Not so fast, says April. A matchmaker has access to higher quality, career-driven singles who are also looking for a long-term relationship and—you guessed it—don’t have time to swipe and engage in casual conversation.
You’ve been ghosted. I’ve been ghosted. What are we doing wrong and why did this become such a phenomenon? A matchmaker provides real feedback and coaching to their members based on introductory date feedback so you’re not left wondering anymore.
So, are you low-key convinced too?